I'm going to take a different path with this entry and actually write something rather detailed and real instead of the usual vague references to issues happening in my life. It is thus marked friends-only.

I only slept 3 hours last night after having a lot of difficulty getting to sleep. I was awoken by a terrifying noise around 5:50am. At first as I pretty sure we were having a major earthquake. The house was making banging sounds and my bed was shaking. It turns out the banging sound was my feline jumping up and down on the hardwood, frantically attempting to fly like a bird in order to reach the morning dove now flying itself into rather solid walls. The shaking of my bed was from me scrambling out of it and to the safety of a door jamb.

Convincing a morning dove that being caught by a human is a better alternative than the sleek black feline hovering nearby is not an easy proposition. They don't seem to understand english and despite my soft comforting voice I had a slight issue catching it and releasing it outside. Now I cannot sleep.

Two days ago I had the 'pleasure' of having to get Plan-B (emergency contraception) after a condom incident. Damned condom makers! Can they not make a decent product? Anyway, after an uneventful, but still yet frightening, trip to the ER for the prescription (interestingly NOT accompanied by the guy involved) I took it. Pushing that much hormone into the body is enough to make anyone insanely crazy.

You see. The Plan-B has made me crazy. Or did it? It would be pretty simple to understand that it wasn't the drugs, but that it was the other stress in my life, which I'm told is pretty outrageous and intolerable. Yet here I am happily inviting it into my life.

You see, I am in an impossible relationship - impossible because mostly I cannot believe I'm in it and I don't even know if it exists. And worse yet I'm not sure if it's ok to even call it a 'relationship'. Am I a girlfriend? Would you go with your girlfriend to the emergency room? I'm not sure what is 'ok' about a lot of things. I am certainly in a relationship but I don't know if he is. I have romantic feelings but I don't know if he does. For six months now I've pondered, asked, questioned, talked and gotten nothing back but "I dont know". At what point do you give up asking?